Whopever.....May 2009 Diary.....

Sunday May 31: A Pigeon in a gym kit ? The dangers of shouting in public.....


As a write this blog , one of the whop circle is currently papping her pants on a virtually blind date.. JapWooWhop is not frightened by many things but if the 50 phone calls I've had this morning are anything to go by then she is virtually shitting her wack about meeting a guy she has only ever talked to on the phone or texted.... She decided to tell me about it last week as we were out on the town... I had been asked to meet a friend ( potential new bloke) for a drink and made the mercy mission call at 10.30 at night to tell her to get her arse out as i wasn't going on my own..turns out this was a genius decision, since it quickly became apparent that the lad in question ( whilst beautiful to look at) was clearly obsessed with hitting the toilets every twenty mins to top up his trumpet talking powder..... Don't get me wrong it wasn't obvious to me but JapWooWhop was right on to it from the first drink.... so we decided the only sensible conversation we were going to get was from one another... oh how wrong I was... we were stood in a banging bloody club ( music that is, not a whore house... well actually that's a matter of opinion if you looked at some of the birds in there) .. and I ask why in gods name she is so obsessed with her phone all of a sudden... at this point it is worth mentioning that as i was waiting for her outside the club, I watched her come round the corner , phone in hand busy texting.. at which point she is clearly not looking where she is going and nearly wipes out a pissed up bloke coming the other way ..... anyway she announces that she has been texting some bloke for a few days and he's asked for a date... at this point i pull my gob off the floor and ask for more details ... she tells me, I nod away trying to look as though I am listening intently. I am infact listening intently .. but I can't hear a bleeding thing.. the lad we are out with is busy talking in one ear at a million miles an hour ( clearly he's managed to get himself some decent gear and now it's like listening to my 90 year old nan constantly repeating herself .. expect for the fact she is actually funny) and JapWooWhop talking in my other ear, anyway she points at her phone and says ; He's sent a pigeon in a gym kit .. What, he's sent a pigeon in a gym kit ..? Yes Sorry mate , he's sent a pigeon in a gym kit ? Yep! Why the fuck would he send a pigeon in gym kit ??? What ? What? and then she passes me her phone and shows me the picture.... Oh he's sent a picture of him in his gym kit .... thank fuck for that..

Sunday May 31: What ? Where the feck have you been........


So it's fair to say that you haven't heard from me in the while, and after a few emails, and messages on facebook telling me to get this written I decided I really should make the effort...although I suppose it's only fair to explain why I haven't been around for a while... you see the Whops are a mix of mates who all live in each others pockets.... we know a lot about each other and you will know if you read the blog regularly that I tend to write a little about everyone's lives and daily disasters... however one of us in the Whop circle does have a ever so slightly unhinged ex partner who was less than pleasant.. he decided she was the writer of the blog.. it's fair to say that she saw her arse about it after receiving several text messages from him ... so after much fecking nagging on her part I decided to take the site down for a few days/ weeks !! while she came down off the ceiling and out of the bottom of a bottle of chardonnay... But frankly we have decided that the whop lives have been lived for too long now and the stories are starting to back up... and we are way too funny as a group of single girls to not let the world know just what a hash we make of our lives daily... and it seems you agree... so here it is the start of the blogs.. batten down the hatches folks this is about to get very feckin funny......

Sunday May 31: Stars my arse


Hysterical.. just take a look at my horoscope for today...
Today you have a strong spirit of cooperation, dear xxxxxx, which inspires you to pitch in and help others even without being asked. Your romantic partner may be surprised to see you arrive in the garage with a tin of car wax and a vacuum cleaner, even though he is usually the one who cleans out the car. Others will be impressed to see you going above and beyond what you have been asked to do. Your efforts on all fronts do not go unnoticed.
Now don't get my wrong, I'll help anyone.. well actually i won't , I'll help the Whop's ... but I don't clean my own fecking car.. ever.. the man in the van turns up for mine, i hand him 60 quid and my car keys.. and he hands me back a shiny new car.. There has never been a time in my life when the idea of cleaning someone else's car seemed like a good idea... steaming up the windows when i was younger maybe but cleaning it.. do my a favour.. and a vacuum cleaner.. I don't even know what one is mate never mind turning up in my garage with one.. and who in gods name keeps there car in a garage? Am I the only person who's garage is full of old shite that I might "just need" one day.. and frankly I couldn't give a feck if anyone else sees me going "above and beyond"...