Whopever.....Cast Of Friends.....
This page gives you my cast of friends... read about them and remember them, without understanding them this diary makes little sense........
Uberwhop - That's me, a 34 year old female, top whop, chief whop....seems over the last year I have decided to be as badly behaved as I can.. so far I believe I am doing very well at achieving my new goal.. I know practice makes perfect so I feel it only right to continue with my quest... it also seems I have powers that entice others to join the dark side .. well it's no fun being badly behaved all on your own now is it ?
Miss Whop - My very best friend, Miss Whop is a 33 year old single female school teacher, with a twat of an ex. "Alco Whop" , in short she has recently seen the light and decided to bin Alco Whop, only problem is he hasn't quite caught on to the idea yet,.... this has, so far provided hours of fun for us, and a costly phone bill for him.. in short he's a tosser, but I'll leave you to read more about him in the pages to come...member of the orginal Whop party
WhopChops - The best male friend a girl can have, problem is the girl he lives with doesn't agree... he's in the transport industry.. well ok he drives a taxi, he has a sense of humour that is unbeaten and an ability to go on 3 day benders that make him a legend......member of the orginal Whop party...
Mini Whop - my old bi mate (greedy cow).. she has OCD and ADD..the two conditions alone provide hours of entertainment.. well for us anyway.. she works in Customer services.. spends all day talking to wound up ungrateful tossers.. she has comedy voices and always knows the completely wrong thing to say at the right time.....oh and she punches you, alot...member of the orginal Whop party........
Alco Whop - tosser ex partner of Miss Whop- see above for details...was never in the Whop party, shame really, he didn't realise.
Wag Whop - my 31 year old ultra glam mate.. this is the girl that gets up an hour earlier every day to make sure there's not a hair or an eyelash out of place when she drops the kids off at school..she's married, she's funny and she doesn't know her arse from her elbow most of the time... oh and she is the orginal cancellation.com... never makes an appointment, a call back and forgets about nearly any text you send her.. unless is contains the words, Gucci, Harvey Nics or SALE NOW ON !!
Scuba Whop - Scuba is tops, She's 40 ish, more fit and healthy than anyone I know, thinks that climbing mountains and sailing across rivers is someone everyone finds fun. She lives with ( but not in a relationship with) a terrorist, well ok he isn't but the amount of piss taking that theory allows us to do, means is he. She drives like a bloke, she's forgotten more about cars than I'll ever know ( to be honest this is a draw back at times)... when i'm busy looking at the male honey in the car, she's busy working out what alloys it's got.. and no she's not a lesbian. She runs her own business, which is successful, strangely since she seems to spend most of her time at B&Q.
Private Whop - a new addition to my life, but fast becoming a good friend, works away when he does work, never gets up before 11am, and seems to be able to sleep at a moments notice, oohh and he recently got a smack in his whopchops, but he's blaming it on the sun.
JapWooWhop - Well what can I say about her? She's the girl who has the most useless set of facts known to man... She feels the need to tell you them when you least expect it ! She is also fairly unlucky... a cow once shat in her eye...She can tell you how to call someone a COCK in Japanese...She once told a taxi driver she was a retard..and was proud of it... oh and has the most wicked laugh and one of the best mates I have ! !
Agent Whop - a good mate, an old male mate, he's an estate agent, didn't own a tele till a year ago and reads the guardian..incredibly funny, but as sarcastic as hell, has the ability to reduce strangers to tears.
Lord Willy Whop - my international jet set semi celeb mate, well he thinks he is anyway.. it basically means, that he turns up once in a blue moon, stays the night, eats your food, spends the entire night on his mobile or with his blackberry attached to his finger ends and then leaves...spends all his time talking about deals, never remembers to call you back and when he does he refers to you as dude....haven't had the heart to tell him he's becoming just a little bit too 80's for my liking.....bless him....
Boss Whop - a great mate and long standing friend, her life is upside down most of the time, has a relationship that is up and down more often than a brides nightie..has a great job, always gets chatted up by women, and old blokes when we go out..shame really as she isn't into girls or pensioners.. she can't hold her drink.. no really she can't.. she's as pissed as a harncart in seconds and dances to wham.. bad times.
Pisspot Whop - my six foot mate, and she's female. as the name suggests she can really drink and she does often.. normally wanders off in the middle of night out, returning an hour later with a handbag full of sick and half her clothes missing..suffers flashbacks and sleep walks, normally when staying in hotels.. most night porters wil recognise her but only if she's naked at the time..
Dog Whop - my male gay mate, into dogging and all things depraved.. total deviant.. but can give any girl who asks a practical demonstration of how to give a great blow job.. he brings his own props.. often goes missing for days at a time.. and likes to give you all the details.. normally in a very loud voice while having a coffee in the local cafe ( usually he ensures he is sat as near as he can to the mens toilets)..
WifeyWhop / WaxonWaxWhop - One of the whop circle, a little sweetie that is far too innocent for her own good... the whop circle is slowly corrupting her into the way of the whop....she'll be losing her dignity any time soon.....
Wank Whop - my ?? erm well he was my partner, boyfriend etc.. erm not sure he still is, not sure where he is, not sure about much really, other than the fact that, if I could get the relationship to work I would, but it seems my mentalist behaviour ( his words), the fact I have friends ( never good in a relationship it would seem, his opinon) , the fact that I answer back ( girls this is never a good move) and that I winge ( his words) and "waa waa waa" in his ear (his words), that I have male friends( again, apparently not allowed)..and that I would like him to answer his phone or reply to texts occasionally (I know, I know I'm clearly asking for the world here)..all this adds up to the fact that it's the best tragic black comedy you can cram into a few years...
Bomb Whop - The sensible one of the Whop Party, she's married to the nicest bloke in the world (bitch) they have a beautiful baby ( sickening) and they are happy...she's been a friend of mine and Miss Whop's for years.. but she's too trusting and gullible, which is bad news when you're a mate of ours.. the fact that she believes what you tell her can give hours of fun.. she's a sweetheart but bless her she's a blonde mare !!!
Danger Whop - This guy has been my best friend of 20 years..he's called Dangerous because frankly he is, he should come with his own health warning..he can drink his own body weight.. can beat WhopChop's on any bender.. can fix just about anything, has a habit of insulting people without realising.. is the best little boogie man going.. turns up at your door at 4am wearing a fox fur and a monocle..
PopWhop - My new mate, typical bloke, bit of a tart with a heart, he owns his own business that gives him sore feet, only appears at night mainly, spends a lot of the day ridding himself of poisonous gas..he's divorced ( and yes there may be a link there) has 2 kids.. hoping they haven't inherited his gassy genes.....
Stalker Whop- - A single trainee alcoholic knob head, who passes his time talking to anyone who will listen about his empire and his money.. a desperately lonely and unhinged individual, sends you text messages and bascially doesn't understand the term "not interested".
Hinge and Bracket - This is the name for the two chav's that regularly shout love messages to each other outside my house normally after 15 pints of wife beater every night....!!!
PilotWhop - Again another one we are bringing over to the dark side.. he doesn't do physical contact, he never dances..he loves potatoes and cheese, has great taste in T Shirts.. and manages to talk and talk to you even if you do only have one eye open at the time....
Little Lord Whop - A new addition to the Whop circle.. another one we are slowly bringing to the dark side.. he's a sweetheart.. very well educated, well spoken and likes the word "unsettling"...oh and he can only eat a subway whilst wearing just his boxer shorts...